Category Archives: Preconception awareness

Flowing through: Unity and Self

“I am of you, I am with you, and yet I am.”

When I feel my children and my incoming soul, I feel the unity, the interwoven nature of our lives, our beings. I feel the cellular connection, not just in how my children may look or act like me at times but how the receiving of all of my little ones changes my body so much, in recognition of them and resonance with them.

And, within this I feel the fabulous individuation! The ‘I AM’ of my children. I feel how this individuality within the unity of the family is what makes things complete. It is how the puzzle pieces – which are in and of themselves, complete – further serve to complete a greater picture of family, and allow the constellation of family to be seen, strengthened and to shine.

I remember vividly the night I knew my second child was coming, or rather felt the validation of my ‘vibes’ a bit more.  I did a meditation that Shelley Lemaire had recorded and recommended. Sitting in my kitchen with my older baby asleep upstairs, I saw / felt / perceived somehow the essence of her. She was so strong and sure, such a certain presence beside me. And that image / feeling / sense of her never left me. Nor did the feeling of another little one in front of us, off in the distance who is my incoming now.

I remember how my daughter’s birth was described and received by Shelley and I before she came. I remember how it was seen as her coming from me and yet back into me. I remember listening to Shelley voice it and then her encouraging me to describe it as I saw it –  a mollusc-ey movement from inside a shell to form the spiral of the shell again together. SO powerful.

I remember too, the doubts I had in my body coming up to her birth – when would she come / how would she come… the ‘noise’ around that, which served only to stress me out and make it harder to hear the voice of her certainty, her knowing. And then I remember when she was born – it was like the movement I saw. How she emerged and the sense of never having been separate! Two years ago, almost at the very time I write this now….


And here she is, this two year old beauty, this individual, this massive, wonderful, colourful, everything-full, juicy person who is so unique – and yet we will be ever part of each other.

I witness this unity and individuation in work sessions with mothers-to-be more and more. This settling in the fluid unity  – the two bodies, two souls mutually nourishing each other, resting in each other and then the emergence of the individuality of the little soul  as it is received within and the mamma in her own soul’s wisdom.

I see the message clearly now, that birth is, and should be without boundaries, without force. With true listening and respect to hearing what the little one brings, it can be. The sense of the recognition of unity, at a deep cellular and soul level, bringing a flow in movement towards the baby’s emergence feels so much kinder than the set-up as we have known it – a system and process bathed in counteracting the fear of pain.

I see this kindness at a deep cellular level, that the bones become fluid, the whole structure moves in dynamic unity. I see it as more than a ‘mind over matter’ experience, more than something we can train ourselves to go through with ease. In recognising the fluidity of what the baby brings, it becomes simple.

It IS painful to exist in separation. It IS painful to challenge what can be your deepest and most divine connection and move forward in that continuous contest.

Isn’t it wonderful to receive our own unique-ness and that of our children?

Isn’t it wonderful to see how this receiving can bring us to true unity with one another!

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we received this unity and flow as we carry our little ones in body and birth them from body!

I love it!

I am your incoming soul, whom you have received.

I have my voice that you feel, you know, you live.

I move through you, I live through you

My coming cannot be forced or driven

My embodiment is your embodiment

My flow is your flow

We are all at once, one and another

But My truth is My own

My soul is strength

My life is love

Receive Me in love, support Me in flow, and birth Me in simplicity.

© Feb 2016

In my love

Recently as a family we have been consciously and unconsciously honouring the constellation that has been emerging for us / around us, and ‘welcoming’ the next little one into our family in so many ways….

My little girl has been regularly holding, kissing and touching my belly saying ‘baby’ and laughing.  I asked my son again if he thought there was a baby coming to our family. He seems unfaltering in his knowing of this. We got to chatting about it and he seemed to have an assuredness in every answer and comment. I asked him where he thought the little one is now.

He said “He is in my love”


I was blown away. He verbalised what we had been doing as a family, holding the awareness and hope for the little one in our hearts. What a beautiful place to be, to be held, to exist. In his love. In our love.

It can be easy for me to sink back into the physicality of it all.  It can be easy to revert to the familiar of coming from a place of lack. The waiting, the impatience and the longing to be pregnant and hold the embodied little one inside of me – feeling the growth and the presence. And then the longing to hold the baby in my arms – seeing the growth, smelling and nuzzling into the gorgeousness. It can be easy to revert to despair when months come and go without either the joy of holding the positive test stick in your hand, or the excitement of a closer meeting in your heart.

But, within this movement of time between hope and despair there seems a greater preparation. Within this growing awareness of our little one coming – and the beauty that lies within that – there seems to have been some kind of ethereal conception, an energetic implantation to the family body and very obviously, the pregnant holding of the vibration of / the idea of / the essence of our little soul ‘in our love’.

How vast that sense of ‘holding’ is and how beautiful it is to have an umbilical exchange of giving and receiving from this place.


I feel the gifts coming from the little one,  the gift of this time to perceive things differently, the gift of developing perceptions in my body and in our family body. The gift of listening to this little one and how this compels me to listen more deeply to my children here and within my work. The gift of connection within this family, the greater family and throughout community.

There is receiving of him/her by us and the greater global body. There is receiving of ourselves in the remembrance of what our potential was and continues to be. There is receiving the awe and the unknown and the love.

How juicy it is to listen to the wisdom of the little ones who remind us what is held in our love. What a privilege.

Simple and profound.




What’s the (true) story?


Where I come from, the greeting from one to another is often: ‘What’s the story?’ It means, how are you, tell me what happened, what is going on with you… or  ‘What is the story with that???’ It means tell me the history of this situation.

In the past few weeks, as I settle into preconception / prenatal  awareness with my little one, and within deep listening and watching how things unfold in my body and with others, I feel as though I am welcoming a new story.

I feel as though I am welcoming a new truth.

My sessions with pregnant mamas and the babes within, or with new babies are revealing so much about the perfect place we all hold in the family unit.  In allowing the baby to lead I/we have been tuning in to the family ‘constellation’ –  where each member is in relation to each other. This different to the old story of what it should look like or what it has or hasn’t been. This is a new understanding. It is in the present. And when this information filters through to the body of the mama and babe, the sky is limitless in terms of change, or what we can allow to develop within and around us.

As I tune into this sense in myself and in the context of the Global Unified Body, I feel as though the certainty which I referred to in my last post (Shine on you baby diamond),  –  that sense of foregone conclusion –  is ever-stronger. The place of ‘me’/mother is one co-ordinate in the place of family. Physically I feel posture realign, my pelvis open and my legs stand into this place, my womb open and reach out, mamma on earth, connected to mamma earth and the all the mammas. The spiral through the body moves upwards, allowing change in womb, lungs, neck, jaw, allowing space and relationship to fluidly move in and out through the front of the body.

The star-place of each of my children, my husband, where they have come from and will ever go, is within an orb of exactness – divine precision.

I feel as though I am welcoming a new truth.

I feel as though the certainty within this truth follows itself through a new development in body, a new kind of embryology, a new kind of understanding what the development in ‘form’ is. Physically this feels like a new understanding of what the senses do, again I feel the ‘extra’ sense, beyond the physical five senses and even beyond the sixth sense.

As I sit with my family, writing, it feels like there is no separation between family members. I now just wait for my littlest one to come into body again. It feels like a foregone conclusion, the certainty of us as family, with the little one to come. There is earthiness in that.

There is a bigger picture;

The picture is wide, it is soul-to-soul,  babe-to-mamma, the place we each hold in family, the place we hold in relationship to the greater fields of families, to the greater field of each other, or community. Souls to souls. The picture shows how we move in this soul, or within this unit and how we flow through the units of others. In body, this feels as though the connectedness is vibrational, within all of the senses, showing the new receptivity and exchange within what can be.

I am / We are welcoming a new truth.

The truth is known by my children and they get it. We grown-ups/wise ones, over-think it all. And in over-thinking, we disperse the simplicity, we complicate the connection and dilute our intrinsic knowledge to doubt, fear, vulnerability, vigilance. We embody a different story. We feel it in restriction, pain, relational heartache, illness, lack of flow,.

I am / We are welcoming the truth of a new story.

One that embodies joy, tenderness, kindness, connection, perfection. One that allows the flow, the release, the welcoming.

I can now allow that story to move through me, to change my set-up from  fear to openness. I can allow that to let me follow the lead of my new fluidity to connection, not separation. I can follow the lead to surrendering to a wisdom that is clearly revealing itself and joining the cosmic dots of relationship in ways I never knew before, and yet know intimately somehow.

And as I sit here, on Christmas Eve, the time of The Family and welcoming The One as we are told that story, I feel that my body can drop into my constellation a little more. It can drop into my place of presence, my mamma-hood. It can allow for a new story to be told, that is the wider family, and that is a welcoming of the little ones to stand in their star spot. They can shine out the details of the new story, and we watch it unfold to connect us all in joy.


© 2015

Unifying Respect

I feel my little one at every turn. It is in my being now. It is getting easier now to know when he/she is speaking / writing / feeling through me.

I am beginning to trust what emerges in myself, and listen to that. The listening now feels like a 7th sense or beyond, higher than intuition. It is opening to awareness of information and the true response within the fluid body to that.

What has emerged strongly in past weeks – and in the context of our Global Unified Field of listening – is that there are still others to hear.

The need to listen to the older children at  such a high level, in the presence of the ‘incoming souls’ listening is very real.

In a recent therapy session with a mammy and baby, the mammy was amazed and moved at how engaged her little month old baby was with what we were doing, how we were all listening to each other through space and touch. She thanked me at the end of the session for treating her daughter with such respect. She had not seen that before, nor felt it so strongly in herself, and left our session feeling that her new truer communication with her little one was one bound in strength, clarity and honesty.

My sense over the past while is that I haven’t really been hearing my older children as deeply as I could. I mean, I listened to them with ears that I thought I understood their needs from a ‘mother knows best’ perspective, but in truth, I can’t actually teach them anything. That admission is so free-ing. It feels so spacious.

For the past few weeks, my son has been talking about his birth, his life in the womb, the time before birth – trying to work out the ‘rainbow’ and where people go, why they cannot come back… he has been showing me frustration in being with this lack of clarity. He shows it through his language, his impulsive reactions in connection with others, his physical well-being – his digestion. He has been saying that there should be a baby swimming in my belly now, where is it? He feels it is very small. He knows it is somewhere and that it is coming.  My son is flighty, he is starry, he is spacious. He told me yesterday that he was in the stars. I heard that.

My daughter has been patiently waiting for me to hear her more, to listen more honestly to what she brings to the family. She is kind to me in my challenges to hear. She observes patiently as I ‘lose it’ with things that I can’t control and waits to welcome me back into the picture. She holds attention, she commands the room, she merges with experiences like no one I have ever met before. She kisses my belly reassuringly when her brother talks of a baby coming. She knows life and how to live it. She has no fear in her exploration of things. She doesn’t just jump in the puddle she becomes the puddle. She is fluid, she is earthy, she is embodied wisdom.

I listened recently to the call I had with Shelley Lemaire the month before this wise earthy bundle was born. It was wonderful to hear how intimately Shelley knew her, and painted the picture of her as she was informed it by her. It was comforting to know that my daughter had been heard in her truth by Shelley as she made her way to me physically. It was truly awesome to hear how she and I (eventually) could ‘tune in’ to her being and her birth by listening in open honesty. It feels so good to reconnect with that again.

And in listening to these (two) children who embody star and earth,  or who may embody both and feel the confusion in that, it feels as though their stories relate intimately to the welcoming of someone/something new. It is as though their places and experiences are informing the bigger picture. And the knowing they can give to their mothers / mother earth.

I see in my children that they feel more heard. I have heard both of them laugh in their sleep since I have tuned in more. Real belly joy. I have felt how joyous it is for all of us to open to this level of listening, and I have seen too how my son processes this change within his little body. I have felt how challenging it is when I slip into old, ingrained patterns, and I feel that this awareness is how they are changing me fundamentally. Changing my knowing.

So far….

I know now there is relinquishing control. There is seeing;  from a very new and different angle. There is no longer truth in thinking we ‘know best’ / must ‘protect’ / must ‘guide’. This goes beyond the cognitive understanding of peaceful parenting / teaching / ‘theruping’.

I know now there is beauty in knowing nothing. More than I ever have known, I know there is teaching from them, not teaching from me.

I know now there is a deeper dance between us, a following of experience, of laughter, and pain, at another level, beyond words. And that if we can trust more in this, the boundaries of individual needs are lifted. There is a unified flow of movement and love.

I know now there is a stronger communication , a resonance finer than sound or gesture or feeling, brighter than light, more sensitive than skin. It is the resonance of connection that comes with yielding to the darkness, and allowing the darkness to lead the way.

I know there is the biggest, widest, most awesome mutual receiving in the belly of the most sacred and precious mutual respect.

I know there is no separation. There is one-ness, unity. A totality that allows for more ease in weaving in and out of connection with each other.

And, I know there is more. Infinitely more.

The moon shines down on the Arctic Ocean as curtains of green Aurora Borealis dance overhead, off the coast of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge

©  2015


The currency of connection

We met again, the ‘sisters’ of the Global Unified Field.  Across the globe, across time zones, a meeting that usually works for everyone somehow. Today, there were some missing, whom we held in our hearts and our listening. There were electrical charge issues across the timezones too. In the middle of the call, the electricity went out in my home.

Just like that.

Cut off from it all. Cut off seemingly from connection. Cut off from our habituated senses and many of the senses that connect us in this day and age. The internet, the TV, the wider world.

There was an initial nervousness to it all. My husband and I both spinning, finding our feet in the darkness. Tripping over toys… lego…ouch. Jumbo lego…oucher. Bumping in to restless dogs who weren’t used to it all either. We reached outward, to each other at first. Then to our children, upstairs and no-longer connected through rooms by the monitors.

We really had to listen.

We reached out to the neighbours and family. “Have you been cut off too????”

‘No’ they said. They were in the full presence of the light. They were illuminated and connected by wires. They could see and hear.

And then as we settled in the seemingly sudden darkness, with the thought that we may be ‘unconnected’ for a while, things dropped.

I looked out the windows which are usually black as night, we four all used to looking outside from a lit window. Interestingly, my son had earlier asked if he could look at the darkness.. he is so intrigued by it.

Even on this stormy night there was a beautiful light in the sky. It lit the shadows of the trees around us, twisty dark against the new light-night sky that I saw. There was a settling sense of the rods and cones adjusting and seeing things differently in the dark.

I began to hear the music of the silence, the wind whistling through the chimney, softness of dogs pottering, the calmness all around, even in the wind. No more buzzing currents crossing paths and confusing things.

I could feel the ground beneath me more. The sense of finding feet. The temperature of the floor came in. Connection to ground.  Mindful walking.

And we listened. I could hear my husband breathing, the dogs moving. We heard each other. The content of communication was there. Hearing was undistracted by other attention-sucking devices.

I was always afraid of the dark. That speaks volumes to me now. I was always afraid of the unknown, of not being able to see.

I was always afraid of the dark times in life. The ‘what will become of me?’ sense. The grief of things I knew to be an important experience, but the fear of the unknown was powerful.

And in this natural darkness now, I am not afraid. I feel the heart of listening in me. This little one who speaks through the darkness, who lights the way, who connects me to myself and then to the darkness, the earth, the wind, the sky and to the world. Total trust and connection in the unknown.

Connection that is much more powerful than the fastest broadband and wider than the world-wide web.

This illumination that comes from the heart – so bright in the still night of the soul – is far-reaching.

And it says that each path is lit, the fuses ignited, and the charge of the currency is clarifying into the trickles from the blast as it needs to, connecting and uniting.

It says trust in the darkness. Don’t be afraid.

We can sit in the light and not see.

We can place ourselves in the surround of sound and not hear.


we can bask quietly in the darkness and allow the beauty to emerge.


Infinitely Intimate

So, our Global Unified Body listened again last night. There was so much that we shared together to hear and settle with the messages of the ‘incoming souls’ (as they are named beyond the blue).

There was so much in the physical change of it all, my nervous system felt old, then quiet, then new and tingly.

There was such a wonderful sense of the vulnerability of the female being interwoven with the masculine breath of strength. The peaceful warrior. ‘Masculeminine’, ‘Feminasculine’;  a merging of both to show a union of beauty. Hands clasped in connection. Neither greater, neither lesser. A weaving of sensuous strength.

And with this… emerging… such a sense of the ‘old’ ways of being needing to welcome the new. The old ears, the old eyes and the old ways of speaking. The old nervous system in its state of alert and readiness to flee from things seems to be making way for an ‘Iron Man’ of goodness and softness. The throat clearing for its new speech.

There is such awareness of moving forward through the fear of hearing our own voices, of speaking our truths, and of seeing clearly that the ‘dream’ is real.

That my little soul waiting is setting me up as a vessel to carry him, to birth him from his purity is awesome. That by receiving myself and this little soul in my heart, I can receive others and they can receive me. This is breath-taking to me.

That the little ones already here are telling us to listen to their siblings, and their embodied connection to the light (that we ‘human’ / ‘matter-ize’ ourselves out of so much) is also breath-taking.

And as the ‘sisterhood’ sat with this awareness of receiving, there was such an awareness of the soul sweetening into the heart.

For me it felt like a precious golden fluid, settling in my heart, and this, connecting with the golden soul-fluid of everyone.

And as this settled, here was the hand to hold it all, holding hearts in the palm of its acceptance. The unification of this felt so huge that it became an intimate viewing. Receiving One and receiving all in the tiniest and most vast moment.

So I sat and wrote the following for ‘me’ and my golden soul fluid, for my golden baby-beam soul fluid and so for all:


Where there is an old soul, there sits a new

Infinitely intimate, we two

Infinitely intimate with all heart’s souls – trickling gold

Sitting in the hand, the open hold

Beyond joy, pain, loss, grief

Beyond anything we know.

And we connect and love, and rest in this

stunning landscape of still unity.



© Nov 2015



Source matters – Amazing, I know that

Recently I was able to experience a session with my Prenatal support  ‘Witness’  and my Global Unified Body ‘sisters’ on the same evening. One followed the other. Perfect timing.

During the pre-natal session, my Witness and I spoke of vulnerability in sharing voice, experiences, etc, in acknowledging what you know but may be afraid of, in hearing your own voice, and in accepting (cognitively) how you may hear another across dimensions. We talked about the ‘judge’ the ‘inner critic’ and how that piece was still a voice that my head turned to listen to. She suggested that I give my inner critic a Craniosacral Therapy session. Hey, simple right? So I did.

It was the sum of all things seeing and thinking and it was turning these around and about in my body / psyche. It was physical, physical eyes moulding with third eye. It was trust. It was the cynical linguistic left brain opening to the creative intuitive knowing of right brain. It was the acute awareness of division. It was opening the left ear to hear, to be heard. It was so intricate that it is hard to remember the details, and really the details don’t matter now.

Afterwards I felt wide-eyed, more open. My third eye felt as though it had just taken its patch off – light was lovely. My brain felt wide open and receptive. In a ‘knowing, but not knowing what it was knowing’ kind-of way. It was amazing.

And so, after a time, I settled into connection with the ‘sisters’ of the Global Unified Body.  SO much arising.

And then, the purity came shining and said:

Receive ourselves truly, and receive Another. Truly.  Simple.



….Still smiling, accepting and basking in this some days later I am reminded of two beautiful things:

The first:

In my training as a therapist, our teacher Franklyn Sills spoke of the unequalled grace and beauty of the physical baby arriving into the world. As it comes in, the head raised and arms outstretched, the open heart shining, they say – not ‘I need your love’ rather –


And while we and our babies hold each other, being to being, no-name to no-name, we have this golden motion of love flowing one to the other. Receiving each others love.

When I had my daughter I remember feeling in that moment, that I had never NOT known her, that we had both come from something beautiful and I had known her forever. Somehow in the matter of myself I had lost the ‘knowing of the something beautiful’, and in that moment, she gave me a fleeting glimpse of that again.

It is familiar again after the session, I know this again. Both of my children are showing it to me clearly now (or I am seeing it clearly). It is showing up without doubt in my work with mammas and new babies.

The second:

My father-in-law had a good friend who replied ‘Amazing’ or ‘I know that’ to almost everything he said. My father-in-law later merged the phrases together and every time he found himself saying ‘Amazing!’, he would follow it immediately with ‘I know that’. My husband started to say this alongside him in life, and now says it in his memory. The phrase has caught-on in our home..

Since the beautiful session where knowing the purity and simplicity was revealed, where I have begun to receive of myself and of the one-ness with the incoming, I have found myself saying over and over:


I KNOW that.


© Nov 14 2015


Propulsion to the light


I am taking part in a group with Shelley Lemaire called the Global Unified Body.

It is just lovely, awesome. A group of women from around the world who sit and listen together to the incoming souls. They are being heard as best we can hear them, and with our best intention.

It has helped so much to deepen my listening and understanding of what my own little one brings. There is more clarity around hearing the simplicity’s need to be heard.

There are struggles at times with the brain’s need to make sense of stuff that is infinity old and infinity new. There are lots of physical changes as part of the processing within the group, within me.

Something that has been sitting with me for some time through this is the newness coming out of the old. On all souls day I went with my family to an ancient cemetery that sits by the sea. A tradition to remember those who have passed.

There was beautiful light there, and a beautiful sense of the souls that had gone before. A very different sense of loss. It was almost hopeful. Light. I loved it. My children played on the beach as the tide swooshed in and out as it has for centuries and will for centuries yet.

The children played as children have since children were children, living in every moment, being present to exactly everything they need in that moment.

I was struck by my baby soul beam and how it hears and acknowledges that the ancestors have brought us so much in so many ways, and what lies present within us. Though at times we may not like it. It was clear to me that there was light and dark in this and that the soul to come brings its light to illuminate the darkness of the past. And in that, propel us forward through the veil of the body, and into more light than we have ever known.

Out of the death and decay springs a sweet new light.  I welcome it and allow myself to receive, and accept what that brings in simplicity, in change and in challenge. I allow myself to rest in the sense of momentum forward and I feel excited by what it brings.


© Copyright November 2015

Windows to the Soul


When I was 19 I travelled from Ireland to America to work for a summer. It didn’t work out too well as I had to have my appendix out and return home. As I was leaving the family I was staying with – who were old friends – bought me a leaving gift. It was a mix of two things I loved, a music box with an Ernie on it. It plays a beautiful tune and has, until recently always brought me back to those times.

The music box stayed at my parents house for 22 years until my children found it and decided it was better in their care.

A mix of things made me look at this music box in a new shining light.

Firstly, my children’s eagerness to have this little toy at home with us. Something that has laid gathering 22 years worth of dust has found its purpose again. Something simple that gives us now-moments of smiles and giggles.

Secondly, we went to feed my parents dog (they are away for a few days) – who had been inside his little shed all day with no company. He burst out bounding around all long-limbed and gallopy, delighted to have company again. My son said something that really got me. He said “We see you”, like the dog was validated, his joy was received by us, his loneliness was understood and he could move through that a little.

As I have sat for a while listening with others to my baby’s soul beam, a few more things have emerged.

I am like the duck with Ernie. I am swimming around in my pond being all duck-like, going where I need to at a super fast pace, bottoms-upping when things get a bit much, looking at the murky depths of things for nourishment. Then life changes things over time, though it seems sudden, and I am aware that I should stop and open to something, something more nourishing that has a different source.

I see this big Ernie-like thing watching me, totally accepting of me, in awe of me and my waddle-some ways. Waiting, just waiting for me to notice.

When I do, when I take the time, I begin to listen and settle with what he brings. Patience, kindness, love, acceptance. He is unwavering in his presence. Just sitting waiting for me to see, knowing that someday I will look up.

And I have.

I shake my tail feathers a little and nestle into this watchful presence. Receiving what he brings. And when I look up for long enough, I begin to see. And we begin to see each other. And the basking in the soul’s gaze begins. Reciprocal appreciation.

My body is changing daily as I rest in him and receive. My eyes are changing, my brain is widening, neck and shoulders too. My sense of alert, the adrenaline charge that has sustained me for so long seems to be quietening a little, fear lessening. Things seem to be doing that they need to allow for continued gazing, receiving and awakening.

And his presence is changing too somehow,to an Ernie / Ernetta, seeming to hold all that is masculine and feminine and beautiful and knowing and connected.

This in turn allows me to experience my sacred and luscious feminine. All the while vulnerable and strong, open and motherly. Laid bare to be seen in my yin and yang.

Somehow, this ‘seeing’ reminds me that there is seeing and accepting all around me in this life. My children and husband see me truly, warts and all. We are all here, seeing each other, mirroring love and life. Humanity views.

And now, the sweet tune from the box symbolises the present, the now, the music of seeing and receiving of each other in earthly life and through the beam.

© Oct 25 2105